Nobody Said Friends Came Easy
I'm a firm believer that our definition of friendship is ever evolving. As you grow into your own person you naturally begin to seek characteristics in others that correlate to your blossoming rationale. With maturity comes more self-assuredness and less settling (I think), which breeds finer tuned decision making and deliberate inner circles. Through trial and error, you begin forming your subconscious "hard yes' and no's" and whether it be someone new that comes along or someone that's been in your life for a while, there are attributes in a person you enjoy and others you know go against your being. As always, the likelihood of a genuine bond is parallel to how that person matches up with your own principles.
For some, acknowledging the positive and negative idiosyncrasies in others comes easy, therefore, they keep around the harmonized connections and bypass the frivolous ones that most of us have or are currently engaging in. But despite how extensive your failed friendship CV has grown over the years there's one thing you know for sure...you're glad you experienced every single one (even the ones that ended terribly). And if you're not I hope you're on the path to be.
The lowest of the lows made you feel so bad that in the future you'll quickly cut out anyone who remotely makes you feel shitty, while the highest of the high's made you feel so happy you'll always remember the value good company can add to your life. Thus, you'll eternally seek it! Simply put, the failed friendships prepared you and made space for the good ones that are bound to come your way.
For me, the most important lesson in friendship came from my Aunt Evelyn. During one of our many phone calls, I brought up how sad I was feeling because of how a friend at the time had made me feel. I was crying and ranting about how I wished I was like her because she's had her set group of friends for decades and that luck just didn't seem feasible for me. After listening she calmly told me that I had to stop expecting people to be one-size-fit all's and that I needed to take people off pedestals. She didn't have to elaborate much after that for me to understand, but it was at that moment that I realized I was guilty of doing just that. I sought after an infallible all-in-one friend. I now know it's impossible and it explains why I continuously led myself down a deteriorating path of acquaintanceship/friendship.
In my humble 23-year-old opinion there are really only 3 things that I believe are the backbone to any long lasting friendship. If this is present then everything else comes along with it:
Respect (being considerate of ethics)
Loyalty/Support (being a G through the good and bad)
Honesty (providing thoughtful constructive criticism for the other person's own betterment, not for egotistical reasons)
Finding these qualities in anyone isn't easy and it takes a long time to become certain of any. You'll most likely get burned before finding someone so great, but if there's anything I can emphasize it's to never negotiate your standards. A person either heightens your existence or not. Ultimately, you know when a person is brightening your life or when they're dimming it.
It's no secret that we're capable of creating nonsensical reasons for keeping "friends" around, but in the end, you're the one losing out. I can GUARANTEE that there are people in this world that you'd mesh well with, so don't succumb to anything that simply doesn't make you feel 100% right.
True and genuine friendships are not effortless or simple, but you're human and you've been gifted with the ability to connect with others in a way that's hard to put into words. Tune into your frequency and vibe with those who make your soul gleam. Your happiness isn't and should never be debatable.
Love always,
Cat