Tales From An Afro-Latina: I Had To Learn My Blackness

It's Been A Complicated Journey

If you've seen a picture of me you're probably wondering "how the hell didn't she know she was black?". I have tight curls, skin that tans within minutes of sun exposure, and a booty bigger than Beyonce's. So how could I have been oblivious to this?

Well...it's complicated.

Let me start off by saying that I believe the physical features we're born with play a role in how we view ourselves, but ethnicity has more influence on our identity. So, this is why growing up my dark skin didn't automatically define my identity. My genetic make-up made it undeniably clear that some of my ancestors were of African origin, but my ethnic background uncompromisingly told me I was not black. 

It took me 17 years to realize that the narrative I had been fed by my beautiful and vibrant Dominican culture was flawed. Very very flawed.

Dominican Culture 101

I grew up surrounded by a family that spoke Spanish, enjoyed their daily servings of tres golpes, and whose ladies religiously spent 3 hours at the salon on Sunday mornings to ensure they had the perfect blowout. This was and still is my reality, so as I began to form my identity I associated myself with characteristics like these. Ones that made me feel distinctly Dominican. Living in Miami exposed me to a rich Hispanic culture throughout my adolescence, but also forced an unwavering confusion within me. Unlike in the Bronx, most of those around me that spoke Spanish shared none of my features, and those that did look like me didn't share my culture.

As expected, throughout my teenage years I tried to fit in anywhere I could, but I was never fully understood or accepted anywhere. The Hispanic kids seemed in disbelief anytime they heard me speak Spanish and the black kids weren't entirely sure what I was but weren't too willing to invite me into their circles. Like I'm sure many Afro-latina's (and Latinos) can vouch for, this created an internal puzzlement that took years to begin figuring out. I went to the lengths of straightening my hair and staying out of the sun to appeal to certain groups and then played basketball and rocked customized Air Force 1's to attract others, but nothing worked.

Fast-forward to 2016 and I'm writing as a confident woman who appreciates her history and understands that it is possible to be a proud black Latina.

Like...it's an actual thing.

Yes, You Can Be Black and Speak Spanish

Although the media and the culture in the U.S bombards us with binary definitions of acceptance, none of it is actually true. You can speak Spanish, carry on traditions, AND be black. One does not negate the other as they're not mutually exclusive.

I know personal identification can be tough for us Afro-Latino's and that's why I decided to share my own personal experience. It's a topic that isn't covered in any mainstream platforms, but it affects us all to some degree. Whether it's a thought you've dismissed over the years or one you're passionate about just remember you're not alone, and your confusion is justified. You're perfect just the way you are and modifying your appearance or personality to fit in any group will never be the answer. You have always been enough just the way you are.

Don't ever forget that.

You are beautifully black and Latina as hell. Embrace it.